So I realized the other day, it’s been about 3 months since Steve and I broke up. I also realized I’m ok. I would lying if I said there still wasn’t the occasional crying about something that completely hits me off guard, but for the most part now, I can clearly picture my life without him and it feels good.
I have been outside this summer more than I have been in years and have an awesome tan to show for it. I’ve been going to the pool whenever I can ( they are everywhere) and I also have started sitting outside for a few minutes extra every morning when I first wake up and sometimes in the evening. I watch the birdies and the squirrels and just take it all in. It’s centering. Life tip number one – if you’re feeling out of sorts- get outside – even if it is just right outside your own door.
I find myself saying yes to things I never would have before. Last weekend I jumped at the chance when a friend suggested Thai food for lunch. If you know me at all, you know I’m not super brave about the ethnic food, and truth be told, it wasn’t Pasqual’s or Perkins, so I count it as a win, even if I did just have pad Thai. I finally went to the house of my friend in Lodi. I’m going to be honest -that was a great decision! She loves doing laundry. I worked while she did laundry for me and then after a lunch of grilled cheese, she took me to a pool with a scary ladder. The pool was awesome – the ladder – not so much. Let me paint a picture for you – slippy, narrow steps, straight up and down. I thought I was going to permanently damage myself on the way in after a slip and I did require quite a bit of coaxing to get out of the pool.
I’ve also been cleaning, reorganizing, re-arranging things and throwing a lot of stuff out. When I was on my trip, I realized if I could live without something for a month, I may not need it all at. I also realized when I got home that I need to not buy any health and beauty aids for the rest of my natural life. Unless it comes from Lush. That stuff is amazing.
I also believe now, more strongly than ever, that it is important to trust your gut and believe that everything happens for a reason. I can’t even tell you how many times Steve suggested we rent a house from someone and move in there with the idea of buying it. While, it’s not the worst area, all of them were located outside of Madison and in the opposite direction of my family. I’m so glad we stayed put and I’m not walking away from a house right now that I had invested time and money in with the idea of making it ours. Can you even imagine how much more stuff I would have if I would have had a basement to fill up?? LOL
I had a talk with the kids the other day and told them I was glad their dad broke up with me. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship where they are valued and loved exactly as they are, and we had gotten to a point where I don’t think either of us was happy, at all. We just had differing opinions on what the solutions were.
While I think it will be a while before I’m ready to date again, I’ve started blow drying my hair again and putting on mascara and a bra before leaving the house and the idea of meeting new people is not completely paralyzing. and besides, it is pretty much like riding a bike, once you start doing it, you remember why you enjoyed it and how fun it could be. So I’m going to just keep putting one foot in front of another and trust there is a master plan and amazing things are just around the corner.