So I’m officially a single lady living alone. I have no beer in the fridge, no Axe in the shower. Still only 1 cat.
It’s day 2 of what I’m calling the new normal and I although I am sad, I had a thought today. What good is sad going to do me? I would like to mention that this thought came to me while sitting on the candy chair. Candy Chair you might ask? Yes, candy chair. It’s the most comfortable piece of furniture I own, with an ottoman and a small table next to it with a basket of candy. Complete and total decadence. You can’t have a candy chair when you live with other people. They steal your candy and interrupt your playing of internet scrabble. So back to thoughts on sadness. You can’t change what is done, I have no choice but to move forward and live my life, one step at a time.
In case you were wondering, I’ll back up a bit and tell you that the final move out was sad because I had had so many hopes when moved in together. I had really thought I was settled and most of life’s big questions were answered. I was so wrong. We joke at my mom and dad’s house about each of us girls having a different colored dot to put on things so when my parents do die,there is no fighting over who gets what. I think this might also be a good idea the next time I move in with someone. I’m going to get some tiny colored dots and just put them on all my things, that way, there is no is this yours or is this mine? I can be all like does it have a pink dot?
I am going to be so honest now. I know that being sad and wallowing in said sadness isn’t going to help me but I feel lost and without an anchor and I know that time will make it better but I just spent the last however many years of my life worried about what other people needed and I just miss it all. I miss knowing that someone will be home Friday night and I will get to sleep next him. I miss knowing someone will notice if I didn’t do laundry. I miss knowing exactly which person to call when I wake up in the morning and when before I go to bed at night. More than sad, I am lonely in a very awful way and I am trying so hard so just ignore it and keep moving forward but it is exhausting. and what’s more exhausting is that I feel like I should have this behind me and then that brings me back to the point of asking what is sadness going to get me? It’s a vicious cycle.
So on the upside of things, all my peeps safely weathered Irma and I even got to have a nice chat with one of my cousin’s girls today. Also, just to summarize, I have a candy chair. Sadness gets you no where.