Happy Hump Day!!
So when you start thinking about what you may have been giving up, it’s probably a good idea to think about what I have gained by having all this extra time to myself that was previously allocated to the care of other people. By far, one of the best things is the time I have been spending with the kids of my sisters. I’ve slept over and “camped” out in the living room with 3 year old Eddie, watched Trolls many times with Allie and watched Poppy settle in and become more at home and enjoy her new environment. I know that I am biased but these kids are really the cutest ever and spending time with them is quite cool. Before, I never could justify spending that much time away from home because there was always so much to do and I wanted to spend time with he who’s name is no longer spoken. There is no way to explain the joy you get from helping your 3 old nephew prank your sister on the phone. I mean seriously, look at these kids!
At home, things are starting to really feel settled except for the living room. I did finally turn the chair over so that it was in the proper sitting position as it is my only piece of non-fold able furniture in that room. I think it compliments the card table TV stand nicely. I do have furniture coming but I was waiting for the carpets to be cleaned first, so now that I have clean carpets, the furniture will come and it will all be put together.
Well meaning people ask questions like how are things, how are you doing and I’m not sure how to answer them. I mean, I say I’m doing good and truthfully each day is getting easier but every once in a while, something out of the blue hits me and I feel like I’m back at square one. I had some brake trouble the other day and that started like a 4 day pity party about being alone. The hard part is, as I’m sure most other people have experienced too, the smart part of you knows its not a big deal, it’s just a bump in the road and you can handle it. The emotional part of you however, goes haywire and freaks out, not only about this situation but every possible situation in the your life where being without that person will be different and goes into like a level 10 meltdown. The upside of all of this is that I know that I am not a cold heartless bitch because I clearly feel things very deeply. Also, now I have had all 4 of my brakes looked at and I have a break pedal like I haven’t had in years so I’m feeling pretty brave about going out and exploring on my own even in places with traffic. I’ve been pretty antsy to get out take some pictures and I think this weekend that just might happen.