Confessions of a blogging slacker

So I’m sitting here tonight, stuck and as I was laying in bed, unable to sleep, I thought, I bet the sweet peeps who read my blog wonder if I have hurt all my typing fingers or just some.  Like I did to try to make sense of all the feelings that have surfaced in the past months, I thought maybe bringing you up to speed would help.

I’m not good at being alone yet. I miss being part of a “we”.  Now, before you dive into your well meaning “advice” about how I need to be okay on my own before I consider getting involved again, I’d like to tell you a story.

I have a friend named Nancy.  ( her real name) One day we were talking and she was expressing some normal martial annoyance and very well meaning, I gave her some advice.  The advice was, just overlook being annoyed, welcome him home from work with a big hug and kiss and be the bigger person.  I called her about 3 months later and apologized for giving her shitty advice because I was in a similar situation as hers, months previous and there was no way I was going to be the bigger person.  The moral is – it’s really easy to see what someone else should do/needs to do/really ought to do when it’s not you.

So basically, enough with the talks about being ok on my own.  I’ll get there in my own time.

Frankly, I’ve spent a fair amount of time dreading the holidays this year.  But then I finally decorated my tree the other night and got to see all my favorite Christmas treasures I hadn’t seen in years because somehow, “someone” could never find all the Christmas boxes and once my living room was all decked out in blue and white and silver, with things I haven’t seen in so long, but loved, I started to almost look forward to Christmas.  So, while there will be moments where I will be misty missing what had become normal the past years, life goes on and there are no do-overs, so I might as well enjoy it.

So last I left you, I dangled the carrot of a potential date with Kyle.  He is a nice guy, I’ve seen him twice and I like him.  He works a lot, has been sick twice and had a major family situation all since Thanksgiving.  (In case you were wondering, I have independently verified all these events)  It’s weird going from talking to someone hours a day and spending all your time thinking about your life together to just seeing someone occasionally.  I would be lying if I didn’t admit, I was having some trouble with the transition and honestly, I probably come across pretty needy, but he seems nice enough to pretend to not notice/care.  We’ll just have to see what happens.

I do know this, my wanderlust is coming back in a bad way.  Although I have been planning a trip for April, I don’t know if I can wait that long.  I keep fantasizing about going somewhere warm between Christmas and New Year’s and feeling the sun while I swim in a sweet outdoor pool.  I’ll have to see what the next weeks bring and who knows, I might be out in the world again before you know it.

 

Published by

Jennifer Foster

I am on quest to reclaim my life, one mile and one photo at a time. My goal is to share all the good and bad in a way that is both heart warming and humorous. Buckle in and enjoy my tales of travels and life's trials and tribulations. All described here in detail and photos because seriously, I can't make this shit up.

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