Like most other Facebook users, I get these “On this Day” notifications almost daily with the things I posted previous years on this date. It’s actually kind of fun to look back and see how things have changed over the years.
Eight years ago, I posted something about making a bazillion heart shaped cookies on this day. And I then I thought about everything that had happened in the last eight years. This time, 8 years ago, I hadn’t even met Steve yet. I had literally just lost my lost my job and was about to find out my mom had breast cancer. I was two months away from turning 35 and looking back, I didn’t have a clue about what I wanted from life.
I remember feeling a little bit like the world was crashing down on me and feeling lost. I was sad, lonely, scared and sick. The stress of everything actually caused me to get mono for the second time. ( it can happen- google it and I had blood work to prove it) I think I literally slept through a few months.
And then things started to look up again – I started dating, I started a new job, things with my mom started to look like they would be okay. Did things end up with Steve the way I hoped so many years ago when I met him and fell in love? Nope. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I still have the same job and it is just as perfect for me now as it was then and my mom is doing great.
But here’s the thing – there is actually two things. Number one, I wish could I go back 8 years and tell my younger self that everything turns out OK and really, you have no control over life, so try not to worry yourself into mono. Try not to waste time and energy on controlling things that are going to happen the way they will no matter how much you to control the outcome. And number 2 – just take it all in and live your life. Over the last 8 years, I have done a lot of living and wouldn’t trade almost any of it, because each thing leads to something else. If I hadn’t met Steve, I wouldn’t have met Bailey and wouldn’t have had him in my life and got to watch such a cool kid grow up. If Steve and I wouldn’t have broken up, I would have never had the courage to take my big trip and rediscover how kick ass I am.
At the time, we can’t ever know why things happen and let’s face it, that’s probably for the best. So here’s what I know today. I am happy and looking forward to what the next 8 years can bring.
So on another note – the other day, my friend was all like,what’s up with Andy? I feel like I finished the first season on a TV show and am now waiting for the second to come out. Here’s the latest- quite simply, I like him. I without thinking, referred to him as my boyfriend the other night when we were talking and he seemed to like it so I guess that’s kind of where we are at. I said, though, I don’t think we need to put anything on Facebook yet- to which he agreed and stated he hasn’t told his mother about me yet. I told him my mom did know because there is a rat. We’re in that glorious phase at the beginning where everyone is on their best behavior and completely in like with each other and everything is still cute and sweet and not-annoying yet. I’m just going with it and we’ll see what happens. Besides – at this point – the relationship agreement has a six month expiration date giving us a clear point of re-evaluation.
I do worry about getting involved again. I was really finding my stride alone and definitely don’t want to give any of that independence that I struggled to be comfortable with again, away. I have made it very clear, that it will be a very long time before we even discuss needing a roommate agreement.