Well, it’s been nearly 18 hours and I have not heard from John Cena’s people yet. I’m not going lie, it’s a little disheartening, but it is the weekend so I suppose I should be patient. I just had a thought though – maybe I’m going about this all wrong – he is a spokesperson for Hefty – maybe I try to get to him through them. I will ponder that later today in the pool. The inside pool because suddenly we’re having season appropriate weather and it is not warm enough to swim outside.
So just for fun, last week, I thought it might be ok to re-activate my profile on OKCupid. (slapping self in forehead right now) As you will recall from last time, it is not really the cream of the crop out there,what do you expect, it’s free. People who have communicated with me include a guy who had a picture of himself with a goat and could only reply using less than 4 words at a time; a guy who is a truck driver and when I told him I’ve already seen that show and explained about all the time I spent in the truck with Steve, the lunch packing etc, he proceeded to ask me if I wanted to come with him and when I said no, I’m done packing lunches, he responded with “I don’t need a lunch, I have a microwave” – totally missing my bigger point (rolling eyes all the way back into my head); a guy was clearly only interested in sex and asked repeatedly for a picture of my boobs, to which I responded, “you know what, why don’t I send you a picture and you have to guess if it’s my boobs or my ass?” and he was all excited – not getting my sarcasm and then like half an hour later sends me a message saying ” so I guess you were joking about the pics?” – you think?
Now at this point, the smart, rational person would have said fuck this shit and given up, but oh, not this foolish girl. And I was rewarded for my stick-it-out-ness, with Andy 2.0, a smart, witty, carb eating non-vegan, cute 45 year old single man who is fluent in GIF,which is totally compatible with my native languages of sarcasm and meme. We proceeded to have a lovely, witty online communication with the proper use of capitalization, spelling and punctuation. We had such a nice time, we decided to talk on the telephone and after about an hour and half, we made plans for Saturday night. ( now, I know “The Rules” say I shouldn’t be available on short notice, but I thought it was going to be fun) So I wake up, super excited Saturday morning, thinking about getting out the hedge trimmer to properly shave my legs and stuff, and I receive an electronic communication letting me know that since we had last spoke, some lady friend of his that has been a bit of a grey area, expressed a desire for a romantic relationship over breakfast, which I like to imagine included flavored pancakes- probably fruity, and since this caused him some inner turmoil, he thought it was best to not meet me. Being the classy lady I am, I wished him well – specifically, “an ending better than a Netflix movie” and when he thanked me for understanding, I disclosed that he was now blog material but I promised to shield his real identity from the public.
The thing is, I’m not desperate to find someone. I’m perfectly happy with the way things are 97.3% of the time. I just thought dating might be fun because Lori brainwashed me. I’m going to call my sister for some de-programming now, I’m done with this cult.