I’m not late. This is exactly when I planned on arriving.

Even with all the wonder, joy and twinkling lights as far as the eye can see, Christmas is not always sugar plums and rum balls.  For some people, the holidays can serve as a reminder that things are no longer as they were or as how they would like them to be and trigger unthinkable sadness and grief.  Humans, at least the humans I know, are comparers by nature and when that is part of who you are, it’s hard to not let the holidays remind you of people that for one reason or another, aren’t there anymore or who haven’t arrived yet into your life or just that you can’t fly off to Bali on a moment’s notice.

I’m not going lie.  For months, I have been dreading this Christmas and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Christmas.  The last 5 Christmases I woke up  in a house with a kid who was beyond excited to see what Santa had brought and another “kid” who would tolerate us, eyes half open, until the first present was unwrapped and then he would not be able to resist engaging in the merriment.  There was Gingerbread and a huge tree and more presents under it than there should be. This Christmas is different.  For obvious reasons, those kids won’t be here Christmas morning and although it makes me sad and I will miss them, the thing you need to remember, is life is not constant and things change all the time and that’s okay.  Also, on the plus side, I don’t have to make bacon for a crowd Christmas morning.

I talked with my mom about all this a few months ago and she said to me, in her very wise way, think about how less stressful this Christmas will be for you.  And at the time she said that, I couldn’t see it, but it has turned out to be an amazing blessing.  I have been beyond sick for the last two weeks and I can’t even imagine what would have happened if I would have had to pull together Christmas this year.  Instead, I have been able to sit in my cozy chair ( Shout out to Sarah Hotchkiss and her bungee cordless husband, Mike), watch more Hallmark movies than allowed by law and just take care of me.  I would also like to thank Amazon Prime, Instacart and Target free holiday shipping.

This shift I was so fearing, has also allowed me to enjoy Christmas more and do things I haven’t in years.  Like wrapping presents in a way only I can.  I really think I outdid myself this year on the present for my almost 4 year old Spiderman loving nephew.  I was also able to put time into thinking about the perfect gift for my nieces and can hardly wait to see them open their presents tonight.

Oh yeah, that’s a spider web with a spiderman ornament in the middle of it.

This year, I get to spend Christmas morning at my mom and dad’s, something I have missed so much the last years but didn’t want to admit and I’m finding, even though it will be so different than the last, and I wasn’t sure I would be, I’m excited about Christmas this year and have moved away from my plan to sleep through it.

Here’s the thing, I know you’re wondering how the title ties into this jibber jabber.  2 things –

1) I am well known in my family for being tardy to the party and you know what, it is what it is.  I drive an hour and half to get there and oh, today, it’s snowing, so yeah.  I’ll get there when I get there and it is mostly likely, now that I sat down to write this, I will be late.  Plus, I still have to shower and gather my things.

2) You can’t rush life and you certainly shouldn’t waste today, tomorrow, or any other day being overly sad about things in the past or that haven’t happened for you yet.  It’s ok to feel sad, just try not to dwell on it and set up camp there. Only you can live your life, so what’s done it done and what will be will be and everything you need will happen exactly when it’s supposed to.   Trust that.

I have some friends that I know that are struggling this holiday season and I’ll tell you a secret – it’s ok to not be as happy as Buddy the Elf.  But please try not to miss the beauty of the season either.  Take a moment and remember that you are so loved, and so important to people around you because before we know it, we’ll be 80 years old, sucking on an oxygen tank, probably because we won’t quit smoking ( ahem, you know who you are) and wish so badly for today back.

You are probably so tired of hearing me say this, but really, Christmas makes me extra super sappy. In this year of turmoil and sadness and anger, I have never felt more loved by the people in my life and I have a sense of gratitude I don’t know that I will ever have enough words to express.  You have held me tight and loved me when I needed it most and what greater gift can you ask for.

So with that,  I hope that you have a wonderful, Merry Christmas filled with laughter and love and some great food, you didn’t have to mess your kitchen up making. 🙂