Before I explain the title – favorite thing someone said to me today, ” he likes everyone, he’s not smart like a dog”
So as long as I can remember, I always get a kind of “spring fever” when winter finally is gone for good and we have those first glorious days of sprummer ( yeah – I mixed spring and summer together because it’s all one season now) when you can bask in the sun and it doesn’t occur to you to be annoyed with the heat yet, the green every where is fresh and clean, and that delicious smell of meat cooking on a charcoal grill gently fills the air, and you have no choice but to just soak it up and it’s a little bit of heaven. I always have this renewed sense of energy and purpose, usually giving up my need for an afternoon nap and early bedtimes and being oh so productive.
This year, taking full advantage of working from home, I have set aside about 45 minutes every afternoon about 2 PM where I go outside, sit in my chair with my feet up and bask in the sun. Today while doing this, I also read my book – The Beautiful and Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald. It was one of those free classics you could get for the Kindle and I thought I should start reading some more classics, you know, in case I end up on Jeopardy. So I’m reading this and he is a “fancy” writer – like I don’t find the style to be straight forward, it’s kind of windy and long winded, nevertheless, I am sucked in to the story. So after a bit, I put my Kindle down and I am sitting there in my chair with my eyes closed, listening to music and then there is the most gentle and welcome breeze. And then I start having weird thoughts about writing a poem about the breeze and how it like love ( that is so not me – where is a vomit back when I need one?) and I realized that I might have finally replenished my vitamin D stores that were probably low from the long, long, dark winter.
In the last days, I have actually felt, content, almost bordering on happy and after the last year, this feeling is unfamiliar but oh, so welcome. I can’t give all the credit to the sunshine though. After a couple pretty rough months of being stuck, sad and tired, I talked to the doctor, who put me on an antidepressant. This is nothing new for me, I have been on and off them many times in my life, with great success. But I was embarrassed because I thought I should push through, I should be able to make it to the other side without a pill. And then my friends scolded me and gave me the old “if you were diabetic, you’d take insulin, wouldn’t you?” talk and reminded me that sometimes, we all need a little something. I know that this disclosure sometimes falls under the category of “private stuff” but I feel so much better now after a solid 6 weeks of pills and sunshine, that I want you to know that there is no shame in needing a bright orange pill ( or pink or yellow or even white) to balance you out. The human body is a complex mixture of chemicals, hormones and moving parts, each of us different and susceptible to something not working perfectly. We are here for such a short time, and to miss any of it living “stuck”, is time wasted.
So sit in the sun – I even do it without sunscreen sometimes ( insert audible gasp from the elders here) – enjoy the breeze – let go of what is holding you back from getting what you want. Who cares how you get there as long as you arrive?