So um dad….

Guess who’s back on the internet dating?  Guess who was scrolling through profile pictures and saw a guy she would swear is her brother?  Creep out factor = 100%.  Seriously, this guy looked so much like me dad, I sent his picture to my sister who also agreed it was creepy how much he looked like my dad.  and just for good measure today, I checked with my dad to make sure I don’t have a brother we don’t know about.  I would put the poor guy’s picture here, but I don’t feel like that would be right, but if you message me, I’ll sure as heck text it to you!  LOL

So I know you all live for these stories, and I will spare you all of them except one.

Oh Black Friday

First things first – just a quick follow up on the pizza guy “situation”.  Now I know that some of you read the story and thought I might be exaggerating a bit about the creep level.  But, I now have a witness.  So earlier this week ( I think), my friend is over and we decide that we want one of those brownie/cookie masterpieces from Domino’s and I’m like ok, but you answer the door.  I go online, order the cookie for delivery and watch the order tracker, patiently  waiting for my warm chocolate goodness.  Finally, it’s out for delivery and the tracker shows it is HIM.  Door buzzes, YV goes to open the door and guy is looking around her, trying to find me, eyes real big in his head and definitely, surprised.  Couldn’t have said four words and left quicker than I have ever seen.  HA! I’m not making it up.  CREEPY.  On an unrelated note, I purchased a case of diet coke today.

I used to really enjoy going out on Black Friday and trying to score exception values.  But now, they have this thing called the internet and you don’t have to leave your house.  So many black Friday deals went live at 12:01 Thanksgiving morning online.  Without even planning it, I was up late Wednesday night and ended up buying many things so cheap that I wasn’t planning on buying but I couldn’t stop.  I got shoes, presents, oh so many presents,  a sweet pair of socks to make my order big enough for free shipping and the list goes on and on.  This was one of those times I wish the internet had a lock out option for a set period of time for your own safety.

I kept looking most of the day Thanksgiving and last night as I was falling asleep, I bought something else that I really needed/thought I needed at the time.  When I woke up, I knew I bought things but couldn’t remember what.  You’re welcome for the sales boost Yankee Candle.

But by far, the best part of Thanksgiving was my nephew.  He’s 4.5 years old. We talk on the phone and before I came home, I asked him if he needed me to bring him anything.  He asked for pop rocks.  Well, I couldn’t find them at the one store I looked at on the way, but I found something better.  Halloween candy 75% off.  Guess who gave a 4-year old a huge bag with 90 packs of skittles and starbursts in it?  That’s right! ME.  Worth all 3 dollars and the look from my sister of disapproval when my so excited nephew went running and yelling, Mom!  Look what I got!!  The size of his eyes and the disbelief in his voice when I told him it was all his and he said wow, was the best ever.  And who are we kidding, I left 3 hours later, a hero and isn’t that what having nieces and nephews are all about? I can hardly wait for Christmas ( insert evil laugh here)




Why did they have to make coffee so complicated?

So I was dragging ass Monday afternoon and my throat was a little scratchy and I really wanted coffee. I put on shoes and a bra and headed out. ( I already was wearing pants and a sweatshirt, FYI – so I didn’t just leave in shoes and bra – sorry if that was unclear)

Now normally, I would just run through the drive thru at McDonald’s or Starbuck’s and order a latte or Caramel Mocha or something like that and then drive around to the window and some nice clerk would hand me a warm cup of deliciousness.

But in a effort to minimize my spending so that I can start saving for the greatest trip I will ever take, I decide to go to the Kwik Trip across the street for coffee.  What a shit show!!!  They had 8 kinds of coffee with these notes about “notes” in the coffee flavor and caffeine level.  Then there were 4 different sizes of cups, 4 different flavors of creamer, like 12 different syrups, 4 or 5 different kinds of sweetener and like 4 different things you can sprinkle on top.  And then if you turned around, there was whipped topping and chocolate and caramel drizzle.  I mean, you could literally make like 234,532,983,193 different combinations with all that crap.

All I wanted was warm deliciousness.  So I take a 24 oz cup, start off with a solid 1/2 – 3/4 inch of cinnamon hazelnut creamer in the bottom ( surprisingly, still not quite enough- my coffee was a little darker than I would have liked), then I filled the cup up like half way with hazelnut coffee ( allegedly low in caffeine) and the other half with a combination of French and Dark Roast ( high in caffeine).  I take my super full cup over to put a lid on it and then I see all the syrups, so I add a couple pumps of hazelnut ( you know, to really bring the hazelnut flavor home) and 2 packets of sugar in the raw.  After 3 tries, I finally successfully get the proper lid adhered to the cup and head to the check out.

With much anticipation, I make the 3 minute trip home, thinking this is going to be the best coffee ever.  I pour it out of the paper cup into a fancy mug I imported from South Dakota that holds like 20 ounces and slammed what was left in the paper cup.  I take a sip.  It ok.  Such a let down.  I feel like I would have been better served mixing two packets of instant coffee with one packet of hot chocolate mix like I originally planned but thought it was good idea to leave the house.

Leaving the house is overrated.  But at least I re-invested some lottery winnings while I was out.  If anyone can turn 6 bucks into 20, it’s this girl.  Keep your fingers crossed.

I think the pizza guy is stalking me- also the Democrats

Now, I know what you are thinking, put down the remote, walk away from the TV and your DVR’d Dr. Phil and assorted reality shows, the pizza guy is not stalking you.

So I mean, it all started innocently enough.  Little by little, the local places that deliver food to my house all decided to carry Pepsi products and not my beloved Diet Coke.  The only one that did not go to the dark side was Domino’s .   So since they were the only place that would deliver Diet Coke and since they are often quick to deliver and since they created the brownie/chocolate chip cookie mash up thing, I went through a phase where I would order from there like once a week.

Often at lunch time, there would be this guy named Patrick that would deliver and would always seem to drag out the exchange of my money/signature for my Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwich/Diet Cokes.  He would be very chatty and always, what I felt, was too happy to see me.  ( I’ve learned a long time ago to always trust an oompa loompa vibe)

In an effort to save money/avoid Domino’s, I came to terms with my Diet Coke consumption and started buying a case at a time.  This really cut down on my need for emergency Domino’s deliveries.

Flash forward to a few weeks ago….  sometime between and 1 and 3 in the afternoon, when the sun is shining, I try to sit outside for anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours in a tank top working on my best tan ever.  So I’m outside early one day, like 11 ish and I see the Domino’s car pull into my parking lot and I think to myself, ah, “someone else needs Diet Coke”.  But the car just drives through my end of lot and keeps going.  Ok – a little weird, but not blog worthy yet.

Then I think it was last week or the week before, I ran out to get some stuff ( fine, it was McDonald’s  – the new sweet and spicy chicken tenders are tits and my new obsession) and I notice a car with the Domino’s thing on it, following me home.  I thought it was a funny co-incidence until, I pull in with the car right behind me.  I park in my usually spot and sit in the car for a second to check something on my phone before coming in and I see the guy, Patrick, get out of his car, which is parked across from my apartment. He gets out, looks at my building for a few moments, never delivers anything and gets back in his car and speeds away.  CREEPY.

So, then like an idiot, on Sunday, I really wanted a brownie/cookie thing – (ducking PMS) and so I ordered a pizza and brownie and lo and behold, guess who was delivering.  OMG – After waiting TWO hours for my pizza/cookie- it finally gets here.  He called me by name and again dragged out the interaction with way too many non- pizza comments/questions.

Do I think the pizza guy is dangerous? No.

Do I think this is weird? Yes.

Am I going to start hoarding Diet Coke and brownie mix so I never need to turn to Domino’s again? Yes

Also, the Democrats are stalking me.  They have been to my security locked building at least 4 times that I know of by the crap left on or under my door in the last month. Like, they specific buzz my apartment. They send me voting reminders in the mail like everyday. While I appreciate their commitment, their overzealousness is a super annoying, especially when you’ve got a pizza guy possibly stalking you.

Good thing tomorrow is election day!