Day 10 of house arrest aka the Saga of the Navigator continues

Not only is it pretty, it also smells amazing….

And so another day begins here at home. Where else could I be? Did you pick me up? Do you really think I would walk somewhere? On the plus side, the pink tree outside my office window is in full bloom which is one of my favorite weeks of the year and luckily I’m home every single moment of every day to enjoy it. Good thing I have run out of Zyrtec. ARGH!

So when last we discussed the Navigator, it had stranded me at the Pick and Save and I had it towed to get fixed. Long story short, they go to push it in the shop, the key wont turn ( again), had to get the locksmith back out, only to discover the problem was beyond the place where you put the key in and with the part that the key makes start the car in the steering column. I’m sure there is a more technical term for this but you know what I mean. That part comes in, key turns again, car can be shifted into neutral so that they can push it into the shop. Car’s in the shop, starter is installed. Car still won’t start. The problem is not the starter, but a pulley on the broken compressor for the AC. FML. In case you were not aware, those are $$$$$. Also, no one in town has the parts so they have to be over nighted in.

Now in all fairness, I was furloughed this weekend via a rental car but like this whole situation there were some hiccups with the pricing with that and I really have come to realize I have four options at this point in my life:

  1. Figure out how to start pooing gold coins
  2. Start turning tricks
  3. Find a money tree
  4. Win the lottery

Pricing hiccup – reserved car online at one price. Asked about upgrading at pickup, given one price for upgrade. Sign contract, leave with upgrade. Drive down street. Get phone call saying that they made a mistake and they price was wrong and was going to be close to a $100 instead of the sweet $28 I thought it was going to be ( I mixed points with a weekend special). Talk about annoying. However, I do believe that Karma had my side on this one. I got up to return it and it was not under a tree, but somehow, my sweet bird friends left like 3 giant bird poops on the windshield. So at least they had to wash it before they could re-rent it.

Obviously, since I can’t go out and about, I have lots of time to read the internet right now and partake in my favorite past time, internet dating. And let me tell you, this latest batch includes some really sweet screen shots that will hopefully make you laugh as hard as I have.

Things I wonder about after watching TV.

So for years and years now, I have watched Young and the Restless. And I know it’s make believe but there is some stuff that you really can’t help but wonder about. For example, let’s discuss Adam Newman.

Adam, allegedly died in a fiery car accident/shooting situation years ago. Is magically saved, has some plastic surgery, resurfaces in his life where no one knows him and eventually every one knows it’s him with a new face. Fast forward a few years later, where he allegedly dies AGAIN in a big explosion. He’s dead for real this time right? Oh no, guess who’s back, with another new face? But this time, not just a new face, but also amnesia. Now these brings up several questions. 1) How many “new” faces can one person get in a lifetime? 2) What is the rate of amnesia incidents in the general population? 3) How does this rate compare to the rate of occurrence within a single soap opera? 4) Over all soap operas?

Ever notice how single people on TV and movies usually dine at a perfectly clean kitchen table set for one? As a single person, I feel I can speak for all of us when I call bullshit on that one. While I do eat breakfast at the table, it is not on a perfectly set spot complete with placement and cloth napkin in my lap. Like normal people, I often eat in front of the TV.

While we know people on TV rarely go to the bathroom, if ever, the bigger question is where does all the laundry go? Every day, some fancy non-polyester dress. Do they all have unlimited dry cleaning budgets? Who has time for that non-sense?

Friends. I watch it all the time. In almost every episode, in Monica’s apartment, there is a small chest with Hebrew writing on it. Does it mean something? Is it just a set piece like the big white dog or is there a story behind it?

When they serve meals on shows, is the food warm, do the people actually eat it? Because sometimes, it looks like they do. I just feel like after many takes, it might be gross or worse yet, they might get full or really thirsty.

And lastly, although I don’t want watch GOT, how awesome was that the internet went ape shit over a paper cup?

Sunday not so fun day

I had a big day yesterday. Transported a parrot cage, went to a birthday party for a three year old. Transported a pair of young chicks. ( baby chickens people and yes, I did seat belt their cage in and turn on the seat warmer) After successfully delivering the goods, I was home about 930 pm and called it a day with big plans to be oh so productive today.

So I woke up and got up about 9 and had a leisurely start to my day, had breakfast, Diet Coke and got ready to go pick up the groceries I had pre-ordered from the internet. I go to leave and my wallet is not in purse. I look around and I can’t find so I figure it’s got to be in the car, so I go to the car and no wallet, so I come back in, still no wallet, go back to the car a second time. I finally find it from the backseat wedged between the consul and the passenger seat. Crisis averted.

Now, this is just a quick trip to the grocery store, not even getting out of the car, I don’t comb my hair ( don’t worry- it’s in a “bun”), throw on my “good” sweatpants and a long top ( I skipped the bra, again, not getting out of the car) and don’t even give it a second thought. So I pull up to the store, turn my car off and call the magic number to summon the grocery fairy and within a few minutes, she arrives at my car with my diet coke, a bag of ice, shrimp that was an exceptional value and more fruit that I will throw out in two weeks when I have failed to eat it and it’s no longer good. She loads it all up, I press the button, the tailgate closes and she returns the store.

You can really blend in parked here for an hour….

This is when things get good. I am now ready to come home to cook my cheap shrimp for salads for the week and I go to start my precious Navigator and she makes a horrible noise and does not start. I stop turning the key and then wait a second and try again. There isn’t a bad noise this time, it just wont turn over. I try one more time and then, I know what I have to do. So I make my monthly call to AAA and request a tow.

Tow people call me almost instantly to let me know that someone will be on the way, however, they are all far away and it will take a bit, however, they are going to send a battery guy to rule that out. Did I mention I’m still parked in the get your stuff and get the hell out spot? So I’m waiting for the battery guy to arrive when the girl from the store comes out to see what’s going on and I tell her my car is broken. Awesome! The battery guy gets there, I try to start the car and he says, oh, yeah, that sounds like your battery, so I get my hopes up. He hooks up the jump pack and the car won’t start. Not even once out of the four times he had me try. So he’s like yeah, you’ve got to be towed. ( Thanks Captain Obvious)

My sweet ride home for the Navigator and I

I sit there about another 25-30 minutes waiting for the tow guy and finally he arrives. He’s nice, agrees its bad and gets to work on how he’s going to get it on the truck. So I say to him, “Can I just ride home in the car like they do in that Tom Cruise movie?” – (my sister later reminded me it was called Knight and Day) and he said, although it is legal in Wisconsin, it was against their company policy.

So I’m watching him get my car on the tow truck and I see two little kids watching very interestedly and their dad giving them a play-by-play. You’re welcome father of the year for the free entertainment. Would it have killed him to give me a sympathetic nod? While my car is getting on the truck, the tow truck was blocking in these two older ladies and they were so nice and we were chatting it up. For some reason, they had no interest in purchasing my vehicle, but the one looks at me and goes, “now how are you going to get home?” Her concern was quite sweet actually.

Just a reminder in case you forgot, all this time, there is a bag of ice in the back of my car.

I rode home with the really nice lumberjackish tow truck driver and he delivered both me and my car safely home. Dare I say it, he might have even parked it better than I can when it’s running. My ice was not a total loss and the other groceries were just fine. Again, really glad I wore my good sweatpants today. Just wish I would’ve slapped on a bra. And maybe some fresh deodorant. And mascara. And lip gloss…..

Tomorrow, I will have it towed to get fixed. I don’t know exactly what is wrong, but I suspect either the starter or the timing belt. ( I will be setting up a gofundme soon – just kidding) The problem is, I’m obviously running out of AAA service calls, lucky for me, I have multiple roadside assistant plans, so I’m covered for tomorrow. It’s great not having a car payment, but seriously, this is getting old.