Disney lies

Like most over girls, I grew up with many Disney fairy tales where the beautiful princess always gets her prince ( well, except for Frozen, but that was way after I was grown up) and the forest creatures are your helpful friends.  Obviously my prince charming is still a frog somewhere and well, the animals, that’s a whole different story.

So I live in an apartment and there is a fair amount of wildlife around me.  Bunnies, squirrels and chipmunks are all over and I’m not going to lie, I normally finally them pretty cute and have been known to feed them a time or two.  Ok – fine, I might have bought them special food for years.  I mean, really, is there anything cuter than watching a squirrel try to get away with an entire cob of corn in his mouth and then return said cob empty the next day?  I’ll tell you the correct answer – not many things are cuter than that.

I used to have a cat and a dog living with me. The dog left with my ex-“roommate” and the cat died earlier this year.  I also should tell you that I have a corner apartment and my bedroom sits on the very corner of the apartment building.  Every once in a while I would hear scratching in the wall in my bedroom and it would freak me out – but luckily, I never saw anything on the inside, even though I would try to quickly shine my flashlight on the corner where the action was happening.  I finally had had enough and was afraid that something was going to get in.  And although, a small rodent wouldn’t kill me, let’s be honest, it would really freak me out.

I head outside and sure enough, there was clearly evidence of something trying to get in my wall. See below.  Furthermore, when I went to the very outsidest corner of my bedroom, there was a hole in the floor, that clearly looked like something was trying to tunnel in.  Freaked out, I talked to apartment office and they told me they would put me on the list for pest control on Friday.  It’s only Tuesday at this point, so I have three days to deal with this on my own.  It was suggested that I could fill the hole with steel wool, so being the resourceful girl I am, I shoved an SOS bad in there and felt secure until the pest control guy came on Friday.

So flash forward to Friday morning.  I had just woken up and was about to get in the shower when I hear a knock on the door, but I got in the shower anyway.  ( I know, such a bad ass) He comes in, ( the office had given him the key) announces himself, hears the shower, leaves.  Like 5 minutes later, still in the shower, dude comes back.  I’m thinking, are you an idiot? Like even if I got out of the shower the second after he left the first time, I would still need time to dry off and get dressed, this isn’t real life Skinamax after all.

He stuffs the whole with steel wool, put some kind of poison outside and luckily, it’s been about a month now, and there is no more scratching in my wall at night.  I also feel a little guilty because what if it wasn’t a rodent but The Little’s Family and now I killed them.  ( those were great books, weren’t they?)

Also, I stopped feeling the squirrels. They weren’t sewing me ball gowns anyway.

My nemesis. Taunting me.  Notice the war wound on the top of his head.

So um dad….

Guess who’s back on the internet dating?  Guess who was scrolling through profile pictures and saw a guy she would swear is her brother?  Creep out factor = 100%.  Seriously, this guy looked so much like me dad, I sent his picture to my sister who also agreed it was creepy how much he looked like my dad.  and just for good measure today, I checked with my dad to make sure I don’t have a brother we don’t know about.  I would put the poor guy’s picture here, but I don’t feel like that would be right, but if you message me, I’ll sure as heck text it to you!  LOL

So I know you all live for these stories, and I will spare you all of them except one.

Oh Black Friday

First things first – just a quick follow up on the pizza guy “situation”.  Now I know that some of you read the story and thought I might be exaggerating a bit about the creep level.  But, I now have a witness.  So earlier this week ( I think), my friend is over and we decide that we want one of those brownie/cookie masterpieces from Domino’s and I’m like ok, but you answer the door.  I go online, order the cookie for delivery and watch the order tracker, patiently  waiting for my warm chocolate goodness.  Finally, it’s out for delivery and the tracker shows it is HIM.  Door buzzes, YV goes to open the door and guy is looking around her, trying to find me, eyes real big in his head and definitely, surprised.  Couldn’t have said four words and left quicker than I have ever seen.  HA! I’m not making it up.  CREEPY.  On an unrelated note, I purchased a case of diet coke today.

I used to really enjoy going out on Black Friday and trying to score exception values.  But now, they have this thing called the internet and you don’t have to leave your house.  So many black Friday deals went live at 12:01 Thanksgiving morning online.  Without even planning it, I was up late Wednesday night and ended up buying many things so cheap that I wasn’t planning on buying but I couldn’t stop.  I got shoes, presents, oh so many presents,  a sweet pair of socks to make my order big enough for free shipping and the list goes on and on.  This was one of those times I wish the internet had a lock out option for a set period of time for your own safety.

I kept looking most of the day Thanksgiving and last night as I was falling asleep, I bought something else that I really needed/thought I needed at the time.  When I woke up, I knew I bought things but couldn’t remember what.  You’re welcome for the sales boost Yankee Candle.

But by far, the best part of Thanksgiving was my nephew.  He’s 4.5 years old. We talk on the phone and before I came home, I asked him if he needed me to bring him anything.  He asked for pop rocks.  Well, I couldn’t find them at the one store I looked at on the way, but I found something better.  Halloween candy 75% off.  Guess who gave a 4-year old a huge bag with 90 packs of skittles and starbursts in it?  That’s right! ME.  Worth all 3 dollars and the look from my sister of disapproval when my so excited nephew went running and yelling, Mom!  Look what I got!!  The size of his eyes and the disbelief in his voice when I told him it was all his and he said wow, was the best ever.  And who are we kidding, I left 3 hours later, a hero and isn’t that what having nieces and nephews are all about? I can hardly wait for Christmas ( insert evil laugh here)




Why did they have to make coffee so complicated?

So I was dragging ass Monday afternoon and my throat was a little scratchy and I really wanted coffee. I put on shoes and a bra and headed out. ( I already was wearing pants and a sweatshirt, FYI – so I didn’t just leave in shoes and bra – sorry if that was unclear)

Now normally, I would just run through the drive thru at McDonald’s or Starbuck’s and order a latte or Caramel Mocha or something like that and then drive around to the window and some nice clerk would hand me a warm cup of deliciousness.

But in a effort to minimize my spending so that I can start saving for the greatest trip I will ever take, I decide to go to the Kwik Trip across the street for coffee.  What a shit show!!!  They had 8 kinds of coffee with these notes about “notes” in the coffee flavor and caffeine level.  Then there were 4 different sizes of cups, 4 different flavors of creamer, like 12 different syrups, 4 or 5 different kinds of sweetener and like 4 different things you can sprinkle on top.  And then if you turned around, there was whipped topping and chocolate and caramel drizzle.  I mean, you could literally make like 234,532,983,193 different combinations with all that crap.

All I wanted was warm deliciousness.  So I take a 24 oz cup, start off with a solid 1/2 – 3/4 inch of cinnamon hazelnut creamer in the bottom ( surprisingly, still not quite enough- my coffee was a little darker than I would have liked), then I filled the cup up like half way with hazelnut coffee ( allegedly low in caffeine) and the other half with a combination of French and Dark Roast ( high in caffeine).  I take my super full cup over to put a lid on it and then I see all the syrups, so I add a couple pumps of hazelnut ( you know, to really bring the hazelnut flavor home) and 2 packets of sugar in the raw.  After 3 tries, I finally successfully get the proper lid adhered to the cup and head to the check out.

With much anticipation, I make the 3 minute trip home, thinking this is going to be the best coffee ever.  I pour it out of the paper cup into a fancy mug I imported from South Dakota that holds like 20 ounces and slammed what was left in the paper cup.  I take a sip.  It ok.  Such a let down.  I feel like I would have been better served mixing two packets of instant coffee with one packet of hot chocolate mix like I originally planned but thought it was good idea to leave the house.

Leaving the house is overrated.  But at least I re-invested some lottery winnings while I was out.  If anyone can turn 6 bucks into 20, it’s this girl.  Keep your fingers crossed.

I think the pizza guy is stalking me- also the Democrats

Now, I know what you are thinking, put down the remote, walk away from the TV and your DVR’d Dr. Phil and assorted reality shows, the pizza guy is not stalking you.

So I mean, it all started innocently enough.  Little by little, the local places that deliver food to my house all decided to carry Pepsi products and not my beloved Diet Coke.  The only one that did not go to the dark side was Domino’s .   So since they were the only place that would deliver Diet Coke and since they are often quick to deliver and since they created the brownie/chocolate chip cookie mash up thing, I went through a phase where I would order from there like once a week.

Often at lunch time, there would be this guy named Patrick that would deliver and would always seem to drag out the exchange of my money/signature for my Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwich/Diet Cokes.  He would be very chatty and always, what I felt, was too happy to see me.  ( I’ve learned a long time ago to always trust an oompa loompa vibe)

In an effort to save money/avoid Domino’s, I came to terms with my Diet Coke consumption and started buying a case at a time.  This really cut down on my need for emergency Domino’s deliveries.

Flash forward to a few weeks ago….  sometime between and 1 and 3 in the afternoon, when the sun is shining, I try to sit outside for anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours in a tank top working on my best tan ever.  So I’m outside early one day, like 11 ish and I see the Domino’s car pull into my parking lot and I think to myself, ah, “someone else needs Diet Coke”.  But the car just drives through my end of lot and keeps going.  Ok – a little weird, but not blog worthy yet.

Then I think it was last week or the week before, I ran out to get some stuff ( fine, it was McDonald’s  – the new sweet and spicy chicken tenders are tits and my new obsession) and I notice a car with the Domino’s thing on it, following me home.  I thought it was a funny co-incidence until, I pull in with the car right behind me.  I park in my usually spot and sit in the car for a second to check something on my phone before coming in and I see the guy, Patrick, get out of his car, which is parked across from my apartment. He gets out, looks at my building for a few moments, never delivers anything and gets back in his car and speeds away.  CREEPY.

So, then like an idiot, on Sunday, I really wanted a brownie/cookie thing – (ducking PMS) and so I ordered a pizza and brownie and lo and behold, guess who was delivering.  OMG – After waiting TWO hours for my pizza/cookie- it finally gets here.  He called me by name and again dragged out the interaction with way too many non- pizza comments/questions.

Do I think the pizza guy is dangerous? No.

Do I think this is weird? Yes.

Am I going to start hoarding Diet Coke and brownie mix so I never need to turn to Domino’s again? Yes

Also, the Democrats are stalking me.  They have been to my security locked building at least 4 times that I know of by the crap left on or under my door in the last month. Like, they specific buzz my apartment. They send me voting reminders in the mail like everyday. While I appreciate their commitment, their overzealousness is a super annoying, especially when you’ve got a pizza guy possibly stalking you.

Good thing tomorrow is election day!


I’m back…

So, when you go through something painful in life, everyone says that it just takes time and eventually, you will get through it and feel like yourself again.

And you want to believe them.  Believing them at times is the only thing that keeps you going. And you don’t know how you will ever be ok again.

And then almost like magic, after countless nights of emotional dreams, crying more tears than you ever thought possible and anger that is all consuming, you wake up one Monday morning and you know it’s over.  The season of grieving has passed.  You feel like yourself again.   You find joy in things like not sharing the bacon you cooked, controlling the TV all the time and things being the way you like them.

It wasn’t easy to get to this magic place and I had to make some hard choices along the way.  After much contemplation, I cut off contact with Steve’s kids and his ex-wife at the end of July.  It was hard.  She had been a great comfort and support when we first broke up but unfortunately, as time moved on, she was just a reminder of what wasn’t anymore.

I can’t handle dating anymore so I ‘m taking a hiatus from that.

But the super exciting thing is that I am planning a tour for the summer of 2019.  It will be all west of the Mississippi River and I can hardly wait.







Sorry I’ve neglected you

Friends –

I have missed you all.  I can’t believe it’s been so long since I last wrote.  Please forgive me.  I have no good excuse.

So things you might have missed – I went to Door County and camped for a few days with some friends.  Highlights include some planning music for our funerals – no I’m not going to tell you what I picked, I want it to be a surprise – smoked fish and watching the sunset over Green Bay while getting eaten alive by flies.

I broke up with the internet, as in I deleted my dating profile.  I met a guy who I think might have potential and I was finding the whole thing exhausting.  I don’t want to jinx anything but I will say this – anyone who will drive like an hour with traffic to hug you when you’ve had a bad day is worth seriously considering.

I think it’s time to put down the Durango.  Those of you who have known me for a while know that I have had her since 2005.  She served me well for over 150,000 miles ( where did I even go?).  I am hoping now that her final months are peaceful and she can continue to take me to get diet coke until the end of the year.  I’m not going to lie, I’m excited about the prospect of having air conditioning again and all 4 windows rolling down.  We’ll see how this pans out.

But here is the real thing that I want to say.  ALWAYS trust your gut.  You are smart.  Chances are if you think something is happening, it probably is and don’t ever discredit your intuition.  You are strong and capable.



Just like riding a bike….with a flat tire and no seat

Oh people.  Dating is ridiculously painful and time consuming.  Let me bring you up to speed…..

First, there was the guy who showed up at my door, looking like a grandpa ( he was clearly older than he said) with a sweet fanny pack.  He asked if he could use my bathroom – where he peed with the door open.  Worst part, all I could think was “grandpa needs his prostate checked”.  Needless to say, there was no second date.

Second, there was this really nice guy- we had such a fun time, spent like 8 hours together.  He kissed me good night in a very gentlemanly way at the end of the night.  I was optimistic. Two days later, I get a text saying there wasn’t any spark for anything other than friendship.  Then maybe don’t make me put in a full 8 hours of work next time.  Like maybe end the date at 4 hours and don’t kiss someone good night.

I am seriously in danger of rolling my eyes so hard, I am going to sprain them…

Most people know that the internet is full of scammers.  Just for fun, here are some sweet screen shots of my favorites.  Enjoy.


Theodore Roosevelt Park – the final day

That cool front that moved in Saturday evening made for great sleeping weather.  It was a clear, beautiful night.  I woke up early Sunday morning while everyone else was still sleeping and headed to the bathroom,when about halfway there, I was struck with awe over how majestic the scenery was.  I actually took a picture and may have even sent it to some people.  The picture doesn’t even do it justice.  The air was that clear, clean morning air and the sky was so blue and even though I couldn’t get a visual, I heard bison nearby.  I returned to from the bathroom and everyone was still sleeping so I decided to take myself for a drive around the park.

It was amazing.  There were very few people but since it wasn’t that far past dawn, there were plenty of animals to be seen. I saw more horses, prairie dogs, a mule deer and even a bison I took a sweet – but safe – selfie with.

During my ride, I realized, that even though I had so much fun with this group, I like traveling alone and am pretty sure there will be another “big” trip in my not so distant future.  I will say this, there is nothing like having a co-pilot to provide you with a constant flow of drinks….

So morning was pretty short because we were coming home in a one trip and it was about 825 miles.  We packed up all the gear, stopped at the gift shop and were on our way.  The ride home was long, but the weather was good and there were no major traffic snafus so we couldn’t have been any luckier there.  After dropping Jen and Nat off in Portage, I made it back to my house about 2:30 am.  I was exhausted to say the least, but it was the good kind.  The look what I just did kind. The kind that reminds you nothing is out of reach.

Theodore Roosevelt National Park – part two

We arrived to the park and headed out on the 5 mile drive to the campground.  About 3 minutes in, we had our first wildlife sighting, a beautiful herd of wild horses.  I don’t know why, I’m not a “horse person” but for some reason, I’m drawn to wild ones.  They were just happily grazing along the road.  We stopped the car and took pictures from a safe distance, in the safety of the car.  Other people were not that smart.  We eventually moved on and then like 2 bends later, we were right in the middle of a ginormous prairie dog town.  If you know me at all, you can probably my high pitched squeals of delight mixing in the with high pitch squeals of the prairie dogs.

After all this excitement, we made it to our camp site which was amazing.  There were trees, it was huge, we had a direct path to the bathroom and their was an amazing view.  We made camp, simple dinner of bagel sandwiches and then took a drive at dusk to look for animals.  We were rewarded with a huge herd of bison, more prairie dogs and a single deer.  As darkness rolled in, we returned to camp and with a slight concern of being gored by bison while we slept, we all settled in for the night and were fast asleep.

Saturday morning brought a beautiful clear blue sky and some warmth.  The forecast was for weather near 100 degrees.  We broke out the back pack burner and made breakfast. There was coffee, toasted bagels and even ramen for one camper.  No roughing it here!

Because of the heat, we decided to do some sight seeing via the air-conditioned vehicles and man did we see the sites and the wildlife.  There was petrified wood ( and I even know what that is now), a hot metal slide, a trip to Montana, amazing landscapes and wildlife I only dreamed of seeing.  It’s amazing how much more you see when you get off the beaten path.  We sent about 4 hours on gravel roads and saw the most wonderful things including bison, antelope, prairie dogs, grazing cows and 3 big horned sheep.

All the years I traveled with Steve, anytime we went near a mountain, I was on the look out for a big horned sheep.  That’s all I ever wanted to see.  And then we come around this bend and there is he is- perched on top of a ledge like he was waiting for us.  (A big horned sheep, not Steve)  He even just decided to lay down and stay there.  It was really one of the moments that are kind of hard to describe.  I know what you’re thinking – it’s just a sheep.  But the thing is, I was looking for it the whole time I was with Steve and could never find it and here I am on my own ( ok – with my friends) and I find what I have been looking for all those years.  The irony was not lost on me.  So after taking like 47 pictures, we go further down the road and when heading back, we find 2 more and the original still on his post.

By now, it’s late afternoon so we headed into down for ice cream and things you buy in a tourist town and while we were there, the wind picked up and with it, came a welcomed cold front.  Within an hour or so, the weather went from hot and icky to wonderful.  We went back to camp, had more ramen and sandwiches for dinner -even though we had planned a better dinner, we were all spent and went the easy route.  After an evening of relaxing, we all headed for bed about dark ( which was like 10pm there) and pretty sure we weren’t going to be gored by a bison, slept soundly in the cool night.